'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
