Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
