I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Actions speak louder than pants.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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