Your face is a jimmy john
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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