oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
