sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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