bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
