I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
