unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
