You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
