And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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