he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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