Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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