you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
