That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
