As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pants are for mortals
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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