I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
