We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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