then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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