everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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