DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
