he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
