it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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