So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
