He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
