He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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