I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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