i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
