I molested 6 butterflies tonight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
