the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
