I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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