Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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