we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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