this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
