Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
