Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you win again, gameday.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
