Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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