No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
