I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
