Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
