eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
