I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
