she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
