Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
