My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
