why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
