My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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