In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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