i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
