During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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