either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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