I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
