Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
