just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
