I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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